


Safest Place You'll Ever Find

by L0VEPACK



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L0VEPACK/pseuds/L0VEPACK
Summary: Bringing Villanelle in - alive, unharmed, and cooperative - should be a success for Carolyn. When Eve starts acting suspicious, though, she begins to wonder what's going on beneath the surface.





	Safest Place You'll Ever Find

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly a standalone work, set sometime after season 1 (and obviously not going to be compliant with season 2), but it's sort of loosely in the same timeline as my other Killing Eve fic. I love writing for this fandom, and writing from Carolyn's perspective was an interesting experience.

For someone who’s had this much success with her mission, Carolyn is highly dissatisfied.

She’s been watching Eve interrogate Oksana all morning. Interrogation is a generous word for it, Carolyn thinks. The exchange between the two of them is hardly worth the title. The temptation to step in herself and start grilling Oksana about the Twelve is overwhelming, but as lucky as it is to have her here - and for the most part, compliant - Carolyn isn’t really looking to learn more about her or her employers today.

This interrogation is about Eve, Carolyn thinks. She’s observing Eve.

“What do you see, in this image?” Eve asks, holding her phone up to Oksana so she can see the screen. Once again, Carolyn wonders why she allowed Eve to have it with her during this conversation. It’s risky. Everything about this conversation is risky, but maybe she should be more careful about what risks she lets Eve take, because Eve is very good at taking risks without the extra help.

Oksana squints at the phone, then takes it from Eve’s hand, casually. Carolyn breathes in sharply. It’s too casual, like looking at Eve’s phone is something she’s done many times before. Eve is being reckless, Carolyn thinks, but that’s not what has her worried. Reckless Eve is typical, especially where this case – and this woman – is concerned, but Eve is also smart. Either Eve is being uncharacteristically stupid, which is highly unlikely at this juncture, or Eve has reason to believe that Oksana having access to her phone isn’t a problem.

The entire scene has an air of domesticity about it. Maybe they’ve done this before, Carolyn thinks, and she frowns.

“Another cat?” Oksana asks. She touches the phone screen and spreads her fingers. She’s zooming in, Carolyn realizes, on whatever picture Eve is showing her. A moment later, she laughs.

Carolyn can’t see Eve’s reaction from this angle. If she could see her face, what would she notice? A memory of Eve looking pleased with herself comes to mind, and her frown deepens.

“Can you tell me what it says?” Eve asks, and there it is – the subtle smile in her voice.

“I think that’s enough,” Carolyn says, stepping into the room.

Both women turn to look at her. Oksana looks at her, wide eyed, a hint of a smile still noticeable on her lips. Eve looks guilty.

“Oksana, you’ll be escorted back to your room,” she explains. “Thank you for your cooperation today.” She clears her throat. “Eve, you come with me.”

The two women exchange a glance, and Oksana hands Eve back her phone. It’s subtle, but Carolyn is observant, so she notices how Eve brushes her fingers against Oksana’s as she takes the phone from her. It’s casually intimate, and almost accidental, but Carolyn suspects it’s deliberate. She’s not often wrong about her suspicions.

“Am I in trouble?” Eve asks when Oksana has left the room.

“Walk with me,” she says to her. “I think you can answer that question better than I can.”

* * *

 

They walk through the halls of the facility where they’re holding Oksana, without talking at first. Carolyn is looking at Eve, who is looking everywhere but back at her. After about twenty uncomfortable minutes of this, Carolyn stops. Eve keeps walking, so she grabs her arm. Gently, but it shakes Eve out of whatever trance she’s fallen into.

“Should I be taking you off this case?” Carolyn asks, rubbing her temples. “I gave you a second chance, and you’re squandering it. You’re a smart woman, and you’re wasting our time with pictures of cats. Humorous pictures of cats, yes, but they’re irrelevant.”

“I’m trying to get her to lower her guard,” Eve explains. “I’m giving her a sense of calm. Building some kind of fucked up – I mean, building trust, rapport.” She grimaces. “Uh, sorry for my language. I guess I don’t usually swear in front of you, probably.”

“It’s been a long day. But I’m not satisfied with that excuse,” she says.

“You don’t really swear a lot, either, right?” Eve asks, ignoring her. “In front of me, I mean, because I know you’re capable of it, like, I’ve read your – I mean, I feel like I haven’t ever heard you swear, but maybe I’m forgetting something.”

“Eve, she already has rapport with you. She trusts you. I want to know why, and I want to know why I should still trust you when that’s the case,” she says, looking Eve in the eye. “Something’s going on with you – between the two of you, really. She trusts you, which doesn’t make me feel confident that I can trust you.”

Eve’s eyes narrow.

“You can trust me,” she insists. “I promise.”

Carolyn nods. Her suspicion of Eve is only increasing, but she doesn’t have to let Eve know. Eve is a smart woman, she thinks again, and if she’s hiding something, it’s only a matter of time before she realizes the importance of being honest. It’s better this way, if she doesn’t push Eve on the issue. She’s confident that Eve will come to her when it’s the right time.

* * *

 

Finally, during an awkward breakfast at their hotel, Eve breaks.

They’re staying somewhere inexpensive, with a breakfast buffet included. Carolyn stuck mostly to fruit and one of the less soggy looking muffins. Eve, she notices, filled her plate with the first two things she encountered in the line, and then immediately grabbed a table for the two of them. Eve is distracted, she can tell, but it’s evidently a pleasant sort of distraction that has her unable to focus on breakfast. The corners of her mouth twitch up occasionally.

“How are the eggs?” Carolyn asks her, once they’re sitting down. “They didn’t look particularly appealing, but I guess you can’t ask for much when the breakfast is free.”

Someone from the hotel staff – Carolyn has trouble thinking of him as a waiter, particularly when he looks so young and nervous – brings her more water without her having to ask. It’s almost enough to make up for the suspicious eggs. She smiles at him politely, then turns back to Eve, who looks at her intently, brow slightly furrowed.

“So, they’re not good?” Carolyn prompts when Eve doesn’t respond. She picks up her fork and stabs a piece of melon, then brings it to her mouth. She’s chewing thoughtfully, still waiting for Eve to answer her.

“I slept with her,” Eve says.

Carolyn swallows the melon.

“Come again?” she says. She doesn’t need to ask Eve to repeat herself, because she knows immediately that she’s referring to Oksana, and everything is clicking into place. Still, she wants to hear the words from Eve’s mouth.

Eve stares at her plate. They’re a good match, Carolyn thinks – the suspicious eggs and suspicious Eve, only now Eve’s giving up on trying to hide her secrets. Except she’s quiet again, reluctant to elaborate. Carolyn might almost think she’d imagined Eve’s confession, if she wasn’t certain from her observations of Eve’s behavior that it was true.

“How many times?” Carolyn asks, because Eve isn’t going to talk without prompting, it seems.

Eve looks at her.

“Okay, that’s a little personal,” she says.

“I don’t care,” Carolyn says bluntly. “How many times, Eve? Once, in a fit of passion? Or is this ongoing? How worried should I be about this?”

Eve looks embarrassed.

“More than once,” she says. “It’s – yeah, ongoing would be accurate.”

“So, I should be worried, then,” Carolyn replies, sighing deeply.

“You know, I didn’t have to tell you,” Eve says, suddenly annoyed. “It’s my business who I choose to fuck.”

Carolyn raises her eyebrows. They both turn when they hear a sound like clinking glass. The young man with the water is back, and Carolyn smiles and politely sends him away, indicating their already full glasses. Despite her outburst, Eve is looking embarrassed again. Maybe because she had an audience, Carolyn thinks. Or maybe she’s genuinely ashamed of sounding like a petulant teenager. Either way, Carolyn’s already decided to ignore her comment, and press on.

“This could undermine our entire investigation,” Carolyn says.

“I don’t want to stop,” Eve admits. “I mean – I don’t want to stop with the investigation. But I don’t want to stop seeing her, either.”

Carolyn stares at her. Eve glances around, possibly scanning for hotel staff or other guests who might overhear her next words, possibly just trying not to meet Carolyn’s eyes.

“It isn’t just sex,” Eve says finally. “It’s – God, I can’t believe it, but I can’t help it, either.”

“A relationship? Eve, you’re too smart for this. You know what she’s capable of – and you know how important it is that we keep her talking,” Carolyn says, as calmly as she can manage.

“Did you ever think that maybe she’s talking because of me?” Eve asks.

“What, because of your affair with her?” she snaps back at her.

Eve recoils. Maybe it’s because she called it an affair, Carolyn thinks.

“That’s not it,” Eve insists, shaking her head. “I mean – I asked her to talk. I knew that you might be able to keep her safe, if she would cooperate. If I hadn’t known that, I wouldn’t have even brought her to you in the first place.”

“Eve,” Carolyn says sternly, “how long has this been going on?”

Eve withers under her gaze. Carolyn sighs. It’s going to be another long day, she thinks.

* * *

 

When they reconvene with Oksana, Eve is clearly nervous.

Carolyn knows, now, about what’s going on between them, and so the nervousness has a different feeling to it. The tension in the room is palpable, but the underlying emotion for Eve might be excitement. The moment she looks at Oksana, Carolyn can sense a little relief in her face – relief at seeing her alive, unharmed, and relatively happy, despite her lack of freedom.

“I’m just going to establish what we know,” Carolyn says as they sit down. She starts taking out her files but doesn’t open any of them.

Oksana nods.

“The information I provided – it was helpful?” she asks.

“Well, before we even begin talking about that, I think we should establish what we know about each other. Or rather, what I know about the two of you, and what you’ve evidently been up to while my back was turned.”

“Oh,” Oksana says. “Oops,” she says. It’s a little playful, accompanied by a sheepish glance at Eve, but she seems genuinely scared when she asks, “Are you going to kick me out?”

“Kick you out?”

“I have been giving you information, in exchange for my safety here,” she says. “Inside here, I tell you things I know, and it makes you happy. And I get to be happy. Well, relatively happy – your movie collection is not so good, and your decorator has no sense of style.”

“It’s not a vacation home,” Carolyn says. “But – duly noted.”

“Outside of here…lots of people will be unhappy if they find out. I will be less happy, without the safety, with people who know what I’ve said, who want to kill me now. And I’ll be alone,” she adds, with a meaningful glance at Eve. “Very unhappy. You’ll have an unhappy Eve, too. She makes reckless decisions when she’s unhappy with you.”

“She makes reckless decisions when she’s happy with me, too,” Carolyn says.

“Yes, well, you haven’t seen her angry, really,” Oksana says. “Angry and with a knife, there’s a lot she can do.” She glances at Eve and takes one of her hands. “Sorry, but it is true.”

“Right. Well, we aren’t kicking you out,” Carolyn explains. “You’ve been helpful. But – the sneaking around can’t continue.”

“Please don’t ask me to leave her,” Oksana says suddenly. “I can’t do that. I can’t stop seeing her. You can’t ask that of me. Haven’t you ever been in love?”

Carolyn glances at Eve’s surprised expression, and then at their hands on the table. Eve is gripping Oksana’s hand tightly now, squeezing noticeably hard.

“Yes, well, whether I’ve been in love or not is irrelevant.” Carolyn sighs. “But we’ll have to do something about the sneaking. It’s a security risk. So, we’ll find some other way – appointed times, perhaps, for personal visits. Some degree of transparency, though with respect for your privacy, of course. I don’t think we can send you out for a date, exactly, but…”  

Eve breathes out a sigh of relief.

“You really are infatuated with each other, aren’t you?” she says. “You spend less than ten minutes thinking I’m going to separate you and it’s torture.”

“It was more like a few hours for me,” Eve says, “since I knew you knew for longer.”

“And it was worse than torture,” Oksana adds. “For me, I don’t know about for Eve, I don’t know – have you ever been tortured?” she asks Eve.

“Uh, no, I don’t think so,” Eve replies. “But thinking you might not be safe was pretty bad.”

“Right, well,” Carolyn says. “We do still have some questions for you, and some documentation we need you to fill out…”

“Can I have my hand back, then?” Oksana asks Eve.

Eve lets go, reluctantly.

“No cell phones,” Carolyn adds. “You can have a good laugh at adorable animals on your own time.”

* * *

 

“Well,” Carolyn says to Eve, once they’re alone again, “she’s still compliant at least. And so far, she doesn’t show any signs of refusing to cooperate. So that’s something.”

“And her safety?” Eve asks, concerned.

“No external threats, and internally – well, as long as she’s talking, and helping us, I’ll do what I can. So far, so good, Eve,” she adds, when Eve’s worried expression doesn’t change. “I don’t want to promise you something I can’t deliver on, and honestly, I shouldn’t be promising anything to you at all. But – you’ve been doing a lot for us, albeit in your own, fucked up sort of way. If you’ll excuse my language this time.” She smiles slightly, hoping that Eve appreciates her attempt at humor.

Eve doesn’t respond, and Carolyn frowns.

“Right, well, I suppose you’ll want to get some sleep – actual sleep, I hope. Even though now you don’t need to do any sneaking around if you want to spend the night with Oksana, I think maybe tonight you should – ah, take it easy?” She laughs a little, in disbelief at the situation they’re all in now. “I’m still amazed you got this past me, for a while. I don’t know how you two managed to see each other successfully without anyone catching on.”

“I knew,” Eve says, suddenly stopping in the hallway.

“Pardon?”

“I knew,” Eve says again, her voice breaking. She turns towards Carolyn. “You said it – that I don’t love my husband. When I married him, I knew, I think.” She sniffles, and Carolyn realizes she’s crying. “I didn’t want to know – I wanted to love him, I wanted to marry him, and live a normal life, you know?”

“I’m not sure I can picture you ever wanting a normal life,” she says, trying to sound kind.

Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say, though, Carolyn thinks, because Eve makes a noise like she’s trying not to sob loudly. She digs around in her bag for the pack of tissues she’s sure she remembered bringing with her but finds nothing. Eve doesn’t seem to notice, wiping at her eyes with her sleeves.

“God, I’m an idiot,” Eve says, laughing bitterly. “I should have known. I did know – I knew I was a – a lesbian,” she says, and Carolyn can tell the word tastes funny in her mouth.

Maybe Eve’s never said it before, she thinks. Probably never in relation to herself, at least, but perhaps even never at all.

“I just never knew what to do about it,” Eve continues. “I mean, I don’t think – I liked him all right, for a while. But I knew, on some level, I couldn’t ever love him, not the way I could love – well, any woman. And now, this woman...God, it’s not his fault. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“They never do,” she says, sympathetically. “But Eve – you don’t deserve this, either.”

“What do you mean?”

“You deserve to be loved by someone you can love in return,” Carolyn says. “Yes, this is going to hurt him, but hurting yourself by staying with him doesn’t make his life better. It’ll only make the both of you bitter and miserable, in the long run.”

“I think you’re right. I don’t know about how I’m going to feel right now, though. Oh, God, I don’t want to deal with a divorce,” Eve groans.  

“We could fake your death,” Carolyn suggests.

“Hah. You’re funny. You’re being really shockingly nice to me, about all this,” Eve adds, wiping at her eyes again. “Well, now that the initial being furious with me part is over, I mean.”

“Believe it or not,” she says, “I am capable of showing a shocking amount of sympathy, for people who I respect.”

Eve smiles. 

 


End file.
